Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
