You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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