Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
