I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i believe in u and ur pee
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
