Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
