just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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