Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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