There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
