yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
