just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
being pregnant is like rehab
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
