haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
