I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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