would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
