What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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