Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
