if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
