Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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