Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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