i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
