I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
