She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
