The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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