don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
