Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
