I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
