oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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