u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
