What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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