Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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