dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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