Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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