you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
