then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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