I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
operation have a gay friend backfired
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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