the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
