so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
