I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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