I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the liver wants what the liver wants
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
