just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
