Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
