Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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