Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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