I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
