o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
