I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
