I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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