last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
