I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
