I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
