This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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